Nutcracker Massacre (2022) Review
Director – Rebecca Matthews
OK firstly a caveat – being a film critic means reviewing everything that comes through (time allowing) . And after watching Nutcracker Massacre I am left wondering if I could change this?
Directed by the prolific Rebecca Matthews (Hellkat, Pet Graveyard) , Nutcracker Massacre is yet another addition to the crowded Christmas horror genre , which on the whole has pretty high standards (see our social media horror advent – daily recommended Xmas horror films ), unfortunately Nutcracker Massacre is not , and will not be, in any of those future lists.
Nutcracker Massacre starts with a delivery driver making a late , and maybe slightly voyeuristic, delivery . He is greeted by a 6 foot tall Nutcracker (the doll not the nut opening tool, although that concept could have worked much better) who silently dispatches him .
Then we go back a couple of days ….
Clara (Beatrice Fletcher) has just split up from her her cheating boyfriend and decides to spend Christmas with her Aunty Marie (Julie Stevens). Clara decides to buy her aunt a present and visits a local toy maker/antique dealer and purchaes a small wooden Nutcracker figure which comes ready boxed and wrapped. The toy maker is in fact Patrick Bergin who in the early 1990s played Robin Hood , starred in Patriot Games AND Sleeping With The Enemy . Bergin here has an apparent Germanic accent (though it wavers from Dracula to Inspector Clouseau to Nelson Mandela in equal measure. I can’t imagine how this was pitched to him?
So when Clara gives the gift to her aunt it transpires the figure wrapped is in fact the Sugar Plum Fairy not the Nutcracker and this sets off a chain of murderous events as next to her aunts Christmas tree she has a full size 6 foot Nutcracker of her own which now has come alive and is on a murder spree.
So Synopsis over , lets get to the nitty gritty. Nutcracker Massacre is poor , in fact has little or no redeeming features. Now that sounds pretty harsh but Nutcracker Massacre has an appalling script , some of the acting is as wooden as the Nutcracker and the kills are just awful. But the main issues are that it takes itself far too seriously , it could have been passable as a full out comedy. Also the tedium, Nutcracker Massacre is just incredibly boring , there are long passages of meaningless dialogue and in the end almost nothing happens and I didn’t really care. And on a final note , The Nutcracker itself is hilariously bad , it moves slower than myself after my 3rd Chicken Bhuna and has no fear factor whatsoever!
The only one highlight for myself was the performance of Mousey (played by May Kelly) as Clara’s insufferable and selfish cousin .
But if you are looking for a festive shocker look elsewhere as there are plenty out there and Nutcracker Massacre is definiately on the naughty list!
A Shocking 1/5
Nutcracker Massacre is released on digital Dec 12th 2022
377 total views, 1 views today
